Humor For Recovering and Recovered Legalists

(Send you humor related to this journey out of what's not that funny to Jesus007525@aol.com). Laughter is a medicine that has helped many who have gone before you.)

Two men crashed in their private plane on a South Pacific Island.

Both survived.

One of the men brushed himself off and then proceeded to run all over the island to see if they had any chance of survival. When he returned, he rushed up to the other man and screamed, "This island is uninhabited, there is no food, there is no water. We are going to die!"

The other man leaned back against the fuselage of the wrecked plane, folded his arms and responded, "No we're not. I make over $250,000 a week."

The first man grabbed his friend and shook him. "Listen, we are on an uninhabited island. There is no food, no water. We are going to die!"

The other man, unruffled, again responded. "No, I make over $250,000 a week."

Mystified, the first man, taken aback with such an answer again repeated, "For the last time, I'm telling you ..... we .....ARE...... doomed. ....There.... is ..... NO.... one .... else on this island. ....... There ...... is.... NO ..... food. There is NO water. We are, . . . . I repeat, . . . . . we are going to die a . . .. slow . . . . death."

Still unfazed, the first man looked the other in the eyes and said, "

Do not make me say this again. I make over $250,000 per week... I am a Baptist .......and I tithe. MY PASTOR WILL FIND US!"

Barney goes to the revival and listens to the preacher.

After a while the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to
come forward.

Barney gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: “Barney,
what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Barney replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one finger in Barney’s ear, and he places the other hand
on top of Barney’s head and begins praying.

After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks
Barney: "How is your hearing now?"

Barney says, "I don't know, Reverend, it's not until next Wednesday."

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why did ya' not tell me the dog was Catholic?

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

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